running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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