Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
dude i just heard a girl tell another girl 'what part of im trying to get laid tonight dont u understand?'
needless to say i wont be back home tonight
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
