If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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