I think i sorta joined a cult last night
one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Randomize
