matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Randomize
