I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
