I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
The sun is out and the snow is finally starting to melt here... Vodka bottles keep popping up everywhere. Guess it's the college version of burying nuts for the winter
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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