Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
Like I'm literally drinking whiskey and making a stocking for my cat right now. What. Goes. On.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
