he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I don't want my vagina anymore.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
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