my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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