Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
Randomize
