my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I think im gonna have to stop sexting on the metra. The middle aged businessman behind me just leaned over and whispered 'dirty girl' and highfived his seatmate.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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