Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
