Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
We wore fake mustaches and shirts that said team mustache ride to a party we weren't even invited to
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
