i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
