Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
Stalkers don't have time for showers...it's a full time job
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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