The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Randomize
