no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
Randomize
