I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
