so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
why is half of my head shaved?
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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