I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
