i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
tonight i'm going for the "i fuck with the lights on" look
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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