Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
No...this little piggys going to the bar
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
Randomize
