I'm gonna have a badass scar
Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Randomize
