She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
