Capitaan dildo arrescate!
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Randomize
