I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
