I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
