1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Everyone says I win the strip club
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
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