He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Randomize
