ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You can't say that. Only if you have peed on the side of the highway in daylight while signing Christmas songs can you say that.
Randomize
