The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
Randomize
