The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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