ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
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