Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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