i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
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