she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
He shit in the fireplace
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
