No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
