I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
