i wish there were pregnant emoticons
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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