I cockslap morals
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I will pee on everything he values.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
Randomize
