so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
