Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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