I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
Randomize
