I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Randomize
