he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize