i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The sign say "Kereoke" strip bar. 5 more beers and ill be ready to rumble.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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