remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Randomize
