glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
