Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
Randomize