Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
should my penis look like a turkey
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
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