Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Dick very happy bro
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
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