Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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