peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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