is your mom at the bar?
She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
