what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
Randomize
