is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
Randomize
