I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
