His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
