It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
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