got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
