What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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