Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
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