At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Randomize