If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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