I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Don't tell me you're on acid again
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