Well, I'm a guy so I don't have one, but if its anything like the inside of my nose, yes, vodka would burn.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
