i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Apparently i tried to feed this guy's piranhas my whole left arm.. according to him, i was "showing them whos boss, bc if they try to eat my arm, im guna punch their face"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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