Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
