Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
