Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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