'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Send help, water and tortillas.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
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