Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
