I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I think she gave up trying 2 land a bf and let herself go
You misogynist thinking that every girl wants a bf
They do. I don't appreciate u using big words idk and im gonna take offense
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
people are starting to question the shark bite story
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
