i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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